I arrived at the Schick Shadel facility at 6pm for my check-in. The facility is called a hospital, but it really looks much less institutional than that. It is a small, two- level building set in the trees at the end of a steep driveway with peaceful views.
I drove my own vehicle to the facility and was told I could park out back in the visitors area. After parking, I was somewhat apprehensive about going into the building. The reality of letting my drinking get to the point that I needed treatment really started to hit home as I sat there looking at the facility.
After some reflection, I grabbed my bag and paperwork and headed for the front door. As I entered the reception area of the Schick Shadel facility, I was met with a very pleasant receptionist. I told her I was here to check-in and she asked me for my ID and insurance information. After making copies of these, she told me that someone would soon be out to meet me.
Within 5 minutes, the admittance person came up front and asked me to follow her back to her office. As I followed the admittance person; I was met with a very clean, inviting, and warm facility. Not what I expected at all. Lingering around the hallway were half a dozen people in green medical scrubs, quietly talking. I later found out from my roommate that these people are referred to as "Greens." "Greens" are those who are in active treatment. The "Blacks" are those wearing black scrubs and are in medical detox and don't participate in any of the standard treatment. I ran into a few of these folks and they looked to be in pretty bad shape.
After working through some insurance and admittance paperwork and paying my co-payment, I was asked to turn over my wallet and keys to be locked in the facility's safe. I guess they don't want you making a run for it in the middle of the night. :)
After finishing the paperwork, I was met by a tall smiling male nurse named Leeh. Right away Leeh had a good sense of humor and made me feel at ease, slapping me on the back and just being friendly. Leeh asked me to grab may bag and follow me to my room. On the way to my room, Leeh grabbed me some scrubs, towels, and robe. I was kind of sticking out like a sore thumb in my regular cloths, so I was looking forward to getting into uniform.
I was put in a room with another male, who was attending a group meeting at the time.
Leeh asked me to dump out my backback so he could go through everything to make sure I didn't have any "contraband" with me. I'm assuming he was looking for some stash of alcohol or other drugs. After inspecting all items, Leeh told me he would have to take my backpack and street cloths and put them in storage. I was allowed to keep my personal items, which included my cell phone and undergarments. Leeh then asked me to get in my scrubs and meet him down at the nurses station.
After putting on my scrubs and heading down to the nurses station, Leeh led me to an exam room for an EKG and a blood draw. As we were walking to the exam room, Leeh told me that they had a new type of EKG specifically designed for the Schick Shadel program. Leeh went on to explain that it would deliver a slight electrical shock and asked me if I had a problem with lock jaw. He also said that I might smell a slight aroma of burnt hair. At this point, I'm starting to get a little nervous.
I take my scrub shirt off and Leeh starts hooking up the electrodes. I'm looking at the EKG machine and wondering exactly what this shock part of the scan is all about. Leeh moves over to the controls and tells me he's about to begin and to not let my tongue get between my teeth so I won't bit down on it with the shock is administered.
Leeh says "Are you ready? Now don't move or we'll have to do this over." I look over at him and he says "You moved! We're gonna have to start all of this over!" I think he could tell I was getting a little freaked out because he slaps me on the shoulder with a big laugh and says "I'm just playing with ya..."
After my blood draw and TB test, I'm sent back to my room for the night.
My roommate Louis, is a real nice guy who is on his 9th day of treatment. He tells me he has his final Duffy (more on this later) first thing in the morning and he's a little worried -- 20+ shots. To prepare, Louis had 2 big pitchers of water next to his bed that he planned to consume first thing in the morning before his Duffy. Louis gives me the low down on what to expect in my first day and also what to expect in a Duffy. He does warn me that he'll be confined to his bed until nearly noon, but I'm welcome to stay in the room if I want to sit and watch him puke. However, I think good Duffy etiquette would suggest that I give him his privacy.
All for now.
Day 1
My first full day at Schick Shadel was anything but boring....
The days around here start pretty early. At 5:30am, the nurse comes by to take your vitals and give you your daily meds, if you require any. After this, you are pretty much on your own until the 7:30 group meeting unless you are a newbie like I was. All newbies must report to the nurses station a 6:30am for orientation. My councilor showed up at my room at 6:15am, and got things going a little early.
This is where things started to get interesting. On arriving at the nurses station, one of the nurses tells me the Doctor wants to talk to me. She tried to get the Doctor on the phone, but wasn't able to reach him, so I headed down to orientation. About 15min into the orientation, one of the nurses came down and nervously motions me to follow her. I followed her up back up to the nurses station where she quickly gave me another EKG, then took me to this room and tells me to immediately lie down and asks "Do you feel faint?" I respond "No, I feel fine." She leaves.
About 3 minutes later three more nurses came back looking really worried and hooked me up to an IV and tell me I need to go to the hospital ER. I ask one of the nurses what the heck is going on and she says my potassium levels are high and my calcium levels are really low, so they decided to call 911. Like that means anything to me..... At this point I'm starting to freak out a little.
About 5min later, 4 EMTs show up and start checking me out. Before I know it, I'm off to the hospital. Still no one can tell me what the hell is wrong.
After arriving at the ER, the room I'm wheeled into quickly fills up with medical personnel and the ER Doctor starts asking me questions like "are you having chest pains," "do your fingers tingle," "do you have an upset stomach," etc, etc. I respond, "No, I feel fine!"
In a flurry of activity, I'm hooked up to about four different machines, my blood pressure is being taking what seems like every 15 seconds, another EKG is taken, and more blood is taken. Then as quick as everyone came in, everyone leaves. There I am sitting there in a darkened ER room, still not knowing what the heck is going on.
About 2 hours later, the ER doctor comes back in with my various blood and scan results and says "You are fine, you can go back to Schick Shadel. All of your levels are normal." I ask the Doctor what the heck happened. He thought that the blood draw taken at Schick Shadel had probably been tainted and therefore gave really bad results. Ya think?????
Within 10min I'm back in my green scrubs and waiting out in the lobby of the ER for a taxi to take me back to Schick Shadel.
Back at Schick Shadel, I was welcomed warmly by everyone I ran into, especially the staff. They were all happy nothing serious had happened. Better safe than sorry, but what a morning....
At that point, I headed back to my room to relax a little and catch my breath, but my poor roommate was recovering from his last Duffy (he looked pretty green behind the gills), so I decided to give him some privacy and I headed down to the lounge.
Around noon, I was paged up to the nurses station to complete my orientation, talk to the Doctor, and watch a relaxation video (which I was VERY much in need of at that point.).
The "work day" closed out with me meeting with the lead councilor to discuss my game plan for the week. Very nice lady.
As this day comes to a close, I was somewhat happy it is almost over, but also nervous about my first Duffy tomorrow. I will follow my old roommate's advice and get a couple pitchers of water for the morning.
Day 2 (morning, pre-duffy)
The is Part 1 of my daily journal because my Duffy is scheduled so late in the day: 3:30pm (I'm the last one on the list for the day), so I have a little time to cool my heals this morning.
First, an explanation of the Duffy. The Duffy is the name given to the Counter Conditioning Treatment used here at Schick Shadel and is given to you every other day you are here. You aren't allowed to eat anything 6 hours prior to the Duffy and you must drink at least 2 liters of water, 2 hours prior to the Duffy. During your initial interview process they ask you your drink(s) of preference when you were drinking -- this will be used during the Duffy.
At your appointed time, you are called up to the nurses station and your treatment nurse takes you into the treatment room, which looks like a mini-bar with a wide assortment of alcohol. The nurse sits you in a seat with a large basin in front of you and a big mirror. The nurse then gives you a shot in the arm of some kind of drug to simulate sweating/fever and then gives you a glass of what is basically Ipecac and salt water to drink. After 10mins or so as you wait for the drugs to kick in; you are then given a shot of your drink of choice and instructed to smell it, then drink it. After a few drinks, the typical person starts throwing up like crazy into the basin in front of you, which does not drain. You are then instructed to look at yourself in the mirror as you continue to drink and throw up. After the given number of drinks for the treatment (increases with every duffy: 4 shots, 8 shots, 12 shots, 15 shots, then 20 shots), you are taken back to your room and put in your bed with a towel soaked in alcohol placed by your head. You are then instructed to think about what your alcohol use has caused and to remain in bed, continuing to feel nauseous from the smell of the alcohol soaked rag and ipecac, and throw up in a plastic tub they leave with you. You are required to stay in bed for 3 hours, at which point the ipecac wears off.
That's the Duffy. I will report back on my experience later tonight after I complete it and recover.
This morning was filled mostly with group classes: 3 in total. Of specific interest to me was a small class called Mind Mapping. The main point of this class is the exercise Mind Mapping. For this exercise, you define the main good things you got out of drinking alcohol, then you highlight the top 3. Mine were:
Perhaps tomorrow I will find out something by asking my subconscious mind, during the Sleepy, what I'm trying to escape from. Either way, going forward, I need to develop a game plan for getting back to healthy behaviors that give me that sense of escape from daily life stress and problem.
They definitely give you a lot to think about here during your downtime between treatments.
So; as I wait and prepare for my Duffy this afternoon, I will continue to reflect and pray about these things.
All for now.
First, an explanation of the Duffy. The Duffy is the name given to the Counter Conditioning Treatment used here at Schick Shadel and is given to you every other day you are here. You aren't allowed to eat anything 6 hours prior to the Duffy and you must drink at least 2 liters of water, 2 hours prior to the Duffy. During your initial interview process they ask you your drink(s) of preference when you were drinking -- this will be used during the Duffy.
At your appointed time, you are called up to the nurses station and your treatment nurse takes you into the treatment room, which looks like a mini-bar with a wide assortment of alcohol. The nurse sits you in a seat with a large basin in front of you and a big mirror. The nurse then gives you a shot in the arm of some kind of drug to simulate sweating/fever and then gives you a glass of what is basically Ipecac and salt water to drink. After 10mins or so as you wait for the drugs to kick in; you are then given a shot of your drink of choice and instructed to smell it, then drink it. After a few drinks, the typical person starts throwing up like crazy into the basin in front of you, which does not drain. You are then instructed to look at yourself in the mirror as you continue to drink and throw up. After the given number of drinks for the treatment (increases with every duffy: 4 shots, 8 shots, 12 shots, 15 shots, then 20 shots), you are taken back to your room and put in your bed with a towel soaked in alcohol placed by your head. You are then instructed to think about what your alcohol use has caused and to remain in bed, continuing to feel nauseous from the smell of the alcohol soaked rag and ipecac, and throw up in a plastic tub they leave with you. You are required to stay in bed for 3 hours, at which point the ipecac wears off.
That's the Duffy. I will report back on my experience later tonight after I complete it and recover.
This morning was filled mostly with group classes: 3 in total. Of specific interest to me was a small class called Mind Mapping. The main point of this class is the exercise Mind Mapping. For this exercise, you define the main good things you got out of drinking alcohol, then you highlight the top 3. Mine were:
- An escape;
- Relief of stress/anxiety;
- Makes me feel more social in a social environment.
I spent a great deal of time using alcohol as an escape. In fact, this was far and away the primary benefit, or use, I was getting out of alcohol. I thought I was escaping from the pressures of work, stresses in my life, and misc. problems in my life. Something I intend to ask during my sedation treatment tomorrow (The Sleepy) is what I'm trying to escape from. I'll report back what I found out after the treatment.
We then took these three benefits and asked ourselves how we would satisfy these benefits without the use of alcohol. As I looked at using alcohol as an escape and thought about it, I realized that prior to starting to drink alcohol in my early to mid-30s, I did a lot more with my time than I'm doing now. I would do projects around the house, exercise more, do activities with my family, and just kept myself busy. As that point in my life I wasn't drinking at all, but I was doing these things that made me feel good and essentially gave me an escape from the stresses in my job and other problems in my life.
Perhaps tomorrow I will find out something by asking my subconscious mind, during the Sleepy, what I'm trying to escape from. Either way, going forward, I need to develop a game plan for getting back to healthy behaviors that give me that sense of escape from daily life stress and problem.
They definitely give you a lot to think about here during your downtime between treatments.
So; as I wait and prepare for my Duffy this afternoon, I will continue to reflect and pray about these things.
All for now.
Day 2 (post-duffy)
I finished my Duffy treatment and it was intense. After entering the treatment room, the nurse had me sit and then she gave me the shot of vasodilator. I very quickly felt like I had a fever. She then had me drink the ipecac, which tasted horrible. The nurse then said we'd wait for 5 minutes or so for the ipecac to kick in.
After about 5 minutes, she had me smell then drink 2 shots of alcohol followed by 2 small glasses of warm water. Then 2 more shots of alcohol: smell then drink. At this point, my stomach is really starting to complain. I had 2 more cups of warm salt water, then the flood gates opened. I threw up like I had the worse flu ever. I'm drenched in sweat. After emptying what had to be everything I drank in there, the nurse took me back to my room and put me into bed with a towel soaked in vodka and something else right next to my face. She put the puke pale in front of my and told me to think about my addiction and not to get out of bed. Then she left.
Smelling the wretched towel, I threw up again. About the time I start feeling a little better, the nurse comes in with the "Booster." The booster is a 12 oz cup of warm beer and ipecac. She tells me to drink it. It tastes absolutely horrible and I'm instantly nauseated. From this point out, the nausea builds again and I throw up 2-3 more times and then the diarrhea kicks in. This is the horrible, explosive, type of diarrhea that makes you feel awful.
By the end of my 3 hour period, just thinking about alcohol makes me feel nauseous.
The nurse comes in and takes my vitals, then releases me from my treatment. I finally get to eat, which makes me feel much better. However, the diarrhea lasts well into the night.
Not a fun experience at all, but I'm glad for it. If this is what it takes to break my craving for alcohol, I will gladly do it.
I'm wore out and am in bed by 9:30.
After about 5 minutes, she had me smell then drink 2 shots of alcohol followed by 2 small glasses of warm water. Then 2 more shots of alcohol: smell then drink. At this point, my stomach is really starting to complain. I had 2 more cups of warm salt water, then the flood gates opened. I threw up like I had the worse flu ever. I'm drenched in sweat. After emptying what had to be everything I drank in there, the nurse took me back to my room and put me into bed with a towel soaked in vodka and something else right next to my face. She put the puke pale in front of my and told me to think about my addiction and not to get out of bed. Then she left.
Smelling the wretched towel, I threw up again. About the time I start feeling a little better, the nurse comes in with the "Booster." The booster is a 12 oz cup of warm beer and ipecac. She tells me to drink it. It tastes absolutely horrible and I'm instantly nauseated. From this point out, the nausea builds again and I throw up 2-3 more times and then the diarrhea kicks in. This is the horrible, explosive, type of diarrhea that makes you feel awful.
By the end of my 3 hour period, just thinking about alcohol makes me feel nauseous.
The nurse comes in and takes my vitals, then releases me from my treatment. I finally get to eat, which makes me feel much better. However, the diarrhea lasts well into the night.
Not a fun experience at all, but I'm glad for it. If this is what it takes to break my craving for alcohol, I will gladly do it.
I'm wore out and am in bed by 9:30.
Day 3
Today is the "Sleepy" treatment day. All of the people I run into who have been here longer than I have really speak highly of the sleepys, so I was excited to see what these were all about.
The day started early, as always, at 5:30am with the nurse coming in to check my vitals. Given I had a sleepy scheduled for later in the day, I was supposed to fast from midnight until after my sleepy. So, that meant no coffee--as such, I was really slow to get up and moving.
I was completely lethargic the entire morning, even after going to the 6:30am group class and the 7:30am group class. Both classes were very good ones, centering on personality types and the brain.
After the morning classes, I was left to cool my heals until my sleepy. Because the staff was short handed today, the sleepy schedule was running behind, so I didn't get into my sleepy until 1pm (yes, I'd not eaten in about 20 hours at this point).
To prepare for my sleepy, I selected a set of affirmations from a list given to us that are to be read to me during the sleepy. I was also told to write some questions that would be asked to me under sedation. One of the questions I wrote was "When I drink alcohol, what is it that I'm trying to escape from?"
To begin the sleepy, I'm was taken into a room with a councilor and an anesthesiologist and placed in a recliner chair. The anesthesiologist began an IV, then starts the sedation medications. The last thing I remember is the councilor asking me "What age did you begin drinking." The next thing I'm aware of is waking up in the recovery room with a nurse saying "Oh, you are awake." I wake up slightly groggy and after 15min or so, I'm taken back to my room and told to stay in bed for about an hour to make sure the sedation wears off. Within 5 minutes of being taken to my room, a nurse brings me lunch; which I quickly woof down because I'm sooo hungry.
During the Sleepy, they asked me questions under sedation. It is a conscious sedation, so they are able to get right into your sub-conscious mind with these questions. The councilor is recording the questions asked you and your responses. Later in the day, I had an appointment with a councilor to go over the questions and my answers.
At my counselling appointment, I was asked to read the questions then my responses. I was a little surprised at some, but others were exactly what I would have thought I'd say. Of specific interest was my response to the question I wrote myself: "When I drink alcohol, what is it that I'm trying to escape from." My response was basically that I don't like my job anymore. Going forward, I need to think long and hard about my work situation and if staying in this job is really healthy and best for me.
One thing I will add is that after the Sleepy, I feel incredibly refreshed, happy, and energized. This is a great follow up to the Duffy days.
The day started early, as always, at 5:30am with the nurse coming in to check my vitals. Given I had a sleepy scheduled for later in the day, I was supposed to fast from midnight until after my sleepy. So, that meant no coffee--as such, I was really slow to get up and moving.
I was completely lethargic the entire morning, even after going to the 6:30am group class and the 7:30am group class. Both classes were very good ones, centering on personality types and the brain.
After the morning classes, I was left to cool my heals until my sleepy. Because the staff was short handed today, the sleepy schedule was running behind, so I didn't get into my sleepy until 1pm (yes, I'd not eaten in about 20 hours at this point).
To prepare for my sleepy, I selected a set of affirmations from a list given to us that are to be read to me during the sleepy. I was also told to write some questions that would be asked to me under sedation. One of the questions I wrote was "When I drink alcohol, what is it that I'm trying to escape from?"
To begin the sleepy, I'm was taken into a room with a councilor and an anesthesiologist and placed in a recliner chair. The anesthesiologist began an IV, then starts the sedation medications. The last thing I remember is the councilor asking me "What age did you begin drinking." The next thing I'm aware of is waking up in the recovery room with a nurse saying "Oh, you are awake." I wake up slightly groggy and after 15min or so, I'm taken back to my room and told to stay in bed for about an hour to make sure the sedation wears off. Within 5 minutes of being taken to my room, a nurse brings me lunch; which I quickly woof down because I'm sooo hungry.
During the Sleepy, they asked me questions under sedation. It is a conscious sedation, so they are able to get right into your sub-conscious mind with these questions. The councilor is recording the questions asked you and your responses. Later in the day, I had an appointment with a councilor to go over the questions and my answers.
At my counselling appointment, I was asked to read the questions then my responses. I was a little surprised at some, but others were exactly what I would have thought I'd say. Of specific interest was my response to the question I wrote myself: "When I drink alcohol, what is it that I'm trying to escape from." My response was basically that I don't like my job anymore. Going forward, I need to think long and hard about my work situation and if staying in this job is really healthy and best for me.
One thing I will add is that after the Sleepy, I feel incredibly refreshed, happy, and energized. This is a great follow up to the Duffy days.
Day 4
Today started once again at 5:30 am with the morning vitals and meds. I was slated for a Duffy today at 10:15 am, so I knew I couldn't eat, but I could have some coffee. So, after waking up for 30 minutes or so, I stole down to the beverage area to grab a cup of coffee and visit with a few others milling around.
For the most part, none of us get to have breakfast because we are all either having a Duffy or a Sleepy, both of which have to be done on an empty stomach. Those who have the Duffys get to at least drink fluids, whereas those getting a Sleepy have to do a 100% fast.
By 6:15am, the morning announcement is made for the first class of the day, so I head back to my room to grab my binder and get ready to head down to the morning class. On my way back to my room, I grab an extra pitcher of water that I'll use later to hydrate for my Duffy.
The morning classes are always a little difficult for me to really get into because of the time of day they are given. I'm just not used to getting very cerebral at 6:30 in the morning. I don't know that I retain a great deal of this first class, so I generally take some notes in the handouts they give. I really think people would get a lot more out of these classes if they'd push them back by an hour, but their must be a reason they start so early around here.
At the end of the first class, I head back to my room to find that I've been left a present by the nurses for my Duffy. On my bed is the pink plastic puke pan and a couple towels. It's funny walking down the hall and looking into the rooms and seeing the puke pans in the various rooms.
I started hydrating a little too early for my last Duffy and ended up having to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, so decided to wait until 8:30am to start downing the water. I'm going to slowly drink the first pitcher of water, making it last until 9:30am or so, then drink the remaining pitcher in the last 30-45min before my Duffy.
As the time for my Duffy nears, I'm getting anxious and my stomach starts to feel crampy -- it remembers the punishment the last Duffy gave it just 2 days ago. 10:15am, my pager still hasn't gone off, so I head down to the nurses station to find Joe and Tom (two guys I've buddied up with here at SSH) hanging out in front of the Duffy rooms with their pitchers of water (they have Duffys later in the day). Right as I get down there, one of the nurses says to me "You are just who I'm looking for." Great....
I follow her into the cramped Duffy room and take my seat in front of the stainless steel basin. In front of me is a bottle of vodka, a bottle of white wine, and a REALLY big glass of ipecac. This glass of ipecac is A LOT bigger than the one I had in my first Duffy. Turiea, my bartender of choice, is off today so I have a new treatment nurse. She makes a bit of small talk then gives me the shot of vasodilator, then tells me to drink the ipecac. I swig down the entire glass and nearly gag -- the stuff tastes horrible. By the time I've drank the ipecac, the vasodilator kicks in and I'm flushed red, my eyes are bloodshot, and I start to sweat.
My treatment nurse tells me to talk a walk for 5 minutes to let the ipecac stir up a bit in my stomach so that it will work better. So, I head out of the Duffy room and Joe and Tom give me a funny look. I tell them "She told me to walk around and let the ipecac brew for a bit." They both laugh.
After 5 minutes or so, I head back to the Duffy room and, at this point, I'm starting to feel queasy. I take a seat and my treatment nurse hands me a glass of vodka mixed with warm water and tells me to smell then drink it quickly. I smell the glass and the nausea escalates. I drink the glass quickly, then the flood gates open and I dump what seems like an entire pitcher of water into the stainless steel bowl. The nurse says 7 more to go. From this point out it's a pattern of: Drink -> Puke, Drink -> Puke, for the next 5 glasses. The final two glasses, I can only drink 1/2 the glass before puking. The nurse says "This is good, this is what it's supposed to do." I'm guessing she meant that as a complement, but I'm about as sick feeling as I've ever felt in my life at this point. My stomach is starting to ache from all of the puking -- at least 10 times in the Duffy room.
After the last glass, the nurse hands me a straight shot of vodka and tells me to swish it in my mouth then spit so I'll have the taste is my mouth when I head back to my room. I'm barely able to swish it without puking again. The nurse then drenches a towel with vodka and we had back to my room. As I leave the Duffy room, Joe and Tom are still waiting outside and they can tell I've been worked over pretty good -- they cheer out "Alright Greg, you go after it man!" It feels good to have these guys, who are in this with me, standing behind me like that. I'm starting to build some bonds here with the people I'm going through this treatment with.
Back at my room, the nurse has me get into bed, then she places the alcohol drenched towel next to my face on a plastic plate and puts the puke pan on my bed. As she walks out, she tells me to think about alcohol drinking until 1:40pm.
After she walks out of the room, I catch a really good wiff of the alcohol drenched towel and puke 3 more times into the puke pan. I am so much more nauseated this time around than I was during the first Duffy. I am on the verge of throwing up for the next hour.
After 30 minutes, the nurse brings in the "Booster." This is a glass of warm beer and ipecac. After drinking it, I quickly throw it back up into the pan.
After this, I lay in bed sweating and nauseous, thinking about all of the time I've wasted in my life being drunk and/or hung-over. It truly was a waste. As I lay there, I pray to God that he will use this Duffy to further extinguish my craving for alcohol.
The 3 hours just crawl by as I lay there in bed nauseous. At about the 2 1/2 hour mark, my nausea starts to subside and by 3 hours I'm about 75% back to normal. I figure I just need to get some food in my belly to settle things back down, so I'm anxious for the nurse to release me.
After being released, I make a bee-line for the cafeteria because I know they close down lunch at 2pm. I order a burger and take it up the lounge to relax and slowly eat. I do not want to go back to my room until house keeping changes my bed and cleans up. The smell of the alcohol in the rooms is just nauseating after a Duffy.
All for today.
For the most part, none of us get to have breakfast because we are all either having a Duffy or a Sleepy, both of which have to be done on an empty stomach. Those who have the Duffys get to at least drink fluids, whereas those getting a Sleepy have to do a 100% fast.
By 6:15am, the morning announcement is made for the first class of the day, so I head back to my room to grab my binder and get ready to head down to the morning class. On my way back to my room, I grab an extra pitcher of water that I'll use later to hydrate for my Duffy.
The morning classes are always a little difficult for me to really get into because of the time of day they are given. I'm just not used to getting very cerebral at 6:30 in the morning. I don't know that I retain a great deal of this first class, so I generally take some notes in the handouts they give. I really think people would get a lot more out of these classes if they'd push them back by an hour, but their must be a reason they start so early around here.
At the end of the first class, I head back to my room to find that I've been left a present by the nurses for my Duffy. On my bed is the pink plastic puke pan and a couple towels. It's funny walking down the hall and looking into the rooms and seeing the puke pans in the various rooms.
I started hydrating a little too early for my last Duffy and ended up having to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, so decided to wait until 8:30am to start downing the water. I'm going to slowly drink the first pitcher of water, making it last until 9:30am or so, then drink the remaining pitcher in the last 30-45min before my Duffy.
As the time for my Duffy nears, I'm getting anxious and my stomach starts to feel crampy -- it remembers the punishment the last Duffy gave it just 2 days ago. 10:15am, my pager still hasn't gone off, so I head down to the nurses station to find Joe and Tom (two guys I've buddied up with here at SSH) hanging out in front of the Duffy rooms with their pitchers of water (they have Duffys later in the day). Right as I get down there, one of the nurses says to me "You are just who I'm looking for." Great....
I follow her into the cramped Duffy room and take my seat in front of the stainless steel basin. In front of me is a bottle of vodka, a bottle of white wine, and a REALLY big glass of ipecac. This glass of ipecac is A LOT bigger than the one I had in my first Duffy. Turiea, my bartender of choice, is off today so I have a new treatment nurse. She makes a bit of small talk then gives me the shot of vasodilator, then tells me to drink the ipecac. I swig down the entire glass and nearly gag -- the stuff tastes horrible. By the time I've drank the ipecac, the vasodilator kicks in and I'm flushed red, my eyes are bloodshot, and I start to sweat.
My treatment nurse tells me to talk a walk for 5 minutes to let the ipecac stir up a bit in my stomach so that it will work better. So, I head out of the Duffy room and Joe and Tom give me a funny look. I tell them "She told me to walk around and let the ipecac brew for a bit." They both laugh.
After 5 minutes or so, I head back to the Duffy room and, at this point, I'm starting to feel queasy. I take a seat and my treatment nurse hands me a glass of vodka mixed with warm water and tells me to smell then drink it quickly. I smell the glass and the nausea escalates. I drink the glass quickly, then the flood gates open and I dump what seems like an entire pitcher of water into the stainless steel bowl. The nurse says 7 more to go. From this point out it's a pattern of: Drink -> Puke, Drink -> Puke, for the next 5 glasses. The final two glasses, I can only drink 1/2 the glass before puking. The nurse says "This is good, this is what it's supposed to do." I'm guessing she meant that as a complement, but I'm about as sick feeling as I've ever felt in my life at this point. My stomach is starting to ache from all of the puking -- at least 10 times in the Duffy room.
After the last glass, the nurse hands me a straight shot of vodka and tells me to swish it in my mouth then spit so I'll have the taste is my mouth when I head back to my room. I'm barely able to swish it without puking again. The nurse then drenches a towel with vodka and we had back to my room. As I leave the Duffy room, Joe and Tom are still waiting outside and they can tell I've been worked over pretty good -- they cheer out "Alright Greg, you go after it man!" It feels good to have these guys, who are in this with me, standing behind me like that. I'm starting to build some bonds here with the people I'm going through this treatment with.
Back at my room, the nurse has me get into bed, then she places the alcohol drenched towel next to my face on a plastic plate and puts the puke pan on my bed. As she walks out, she tells me to think about alcohol drinking until 1:40pm.
After she walks out of the room, I catch a really good wiff of the alcohol drenched towel and puke 3 more times into the puke pan. I am so much more nauseated this time around than I was during the first Duffy. I am on the verge of throwing up for the next hour.
After 30 minutes, the nurse brings in the "Booster." This is a glass of warm beer and ipecac. After drinking it, I quickly throw it back up into the pan.
After this, I lay in bed sweating and nauseous, thinking about all of the time I've wasted in my life being drunk and/or hung-over. It truly was a waste. As I lay there, I pray to God that he will use this Duffy to further extinguish my craving for alcohol.
The 3 hours just crawl by as I lay there in bed nauseous. At about the 2 1/2 hour mark, my nausea starts to subside and by 3 hours I'm about 75% back to normal. I figure I just need to get some food in my belly to settle things back down, so I'm anxious for the nurse to release me.
After being released, I make a bee-line for the cafeteria because I know they close down lunch at 2pm. I order a burger and take it up the lounge to relax and slowly eat. I do not want to go back to my room until house keeping changes my bed and cleans up. The smell of the alcohol in the rooms is just nauseating after a Duffy.
All for today.
Day 5
This morning started a little earlier than usual with a 5:00 am wake-up by the nurse for vitals and meds.
I think our room must be one of the first stops for the nurses in the morning, because a lot of the other people I talk with say they don't get woken up until close to 6 am. Either that or we did something to tick off the nurses.
I think our room must be one of the first stops for the nurses in the morning, because a lot of the other people I talk with say they don't get woken up until close to 6 am. Either that or we did something to tick off the nurses.
After laying in bed for 15 min or so, I drag myself out of bed and freshen up in the restroom. Today is my second sleepy, so I can't have anything to drink or eat.
The morning classes go by in a blur because I'm somewhat of a zombie at this time of the day. After being let out of the second class, I head back to my room to try to catch a catnap before my sleepy. However, I end up down in the lounge talking to some of the other patients. I'm really starting to form some good bonds with the people I've met here. They are an incredible group of people and it is like we are all down in the trenches fighting our addiction together as we work our way through these Duffy's.
Around 10:30 am, I'm paged down to the nurses station for my Sleepy. The must have hit me really hard with the sedation drugs, because I don't remember much of anything after entering the Sleepy room. Last think I remember is being hooked up to the IVs, then I find myself waking up in the recovery room.
I'm anxious to get back to my room for the tray of food that I know is waiting because I'm starving from the fasting. Once I'm wheeled back, I'm met with a nice juicy cheeseburger. Someone must have been reading my mind, because this is perfect!
After my lunch, I lounge around my room because the sedation drugs have made me feel even more tired. However, I'm also feeling incredibly positive and happy. I'm told that almost everyone feels this way after the Sleepys due to the positive affirmations they repeat to you while under sedation.
Around 3:00 pm, I'm paged down to my councilor's office to go over the questions asked me during my sleepy interview. I'm really surprised to hear that I report my aversion to alcohol as moderate after only 2 Duffys. The counter conditioning treatment seems to be working really well for me.
My councilor gives me some homework to work on and sends me on my way.
I head back up to my room to chill out. I'm still dragging a little, so I'm going to lay low the rest of the day and do some reading of the materials they've given me.
All for now.
I'm anxious to get back to my room for the tray of food that I know is waiting because I'm starving from the fasting. Once I'm wheeled back, I'm met with a nice juicy cheeseburger. Someone must have been reading my mind, because this is perfect!
After my lunch, I lounge around my room because the sedation drugs have made me feel even more tired. However, I'm also feeling incredibly positive and happy. I'm told that almost everyone feels this way after the Sleepys due to the positive affirmations they repeat to you while under sedation.
Around 3:00 pm, I'm paged down to my councilor's office to go over the questions asked me during my sleepy interview. I'm really surprised to hear that I report my aversion to alcohol as moderate after only 2 Duffys. The counter conditioning treatment seems to be working really well for me.
My councilor gives me some homework to work on and sends me on my way.
I head back up to my room to chill out. I'm still dragging a little, so I'm going to lay low the rest of the day and do some reading of the materials they've given me.
All for now.
Day 6
Day 6 was Duffy #3, supposedly one of the most difficult duffys. Mine is slated for 9:15am with Turea.
The morning nurse gave us a wake-up at 5:20am for vitals and then meds. I am starting to think that them getting us up so early around here is part of the conditioning. It's difficult to sleep around here anyway, but when combined with the early wake-up calls you are running on little sleep the entire time. It makes the entire experience someone of a mental challenge in addition to being a physical challenge.
Thankfully Turea tells me to just sniff, swish and spit the rest. Thank God! Turea asks me "How does that bottle of whiskey look to you now." I respond "It's making me sick."
The morning nurse gave us a wake-up at 5:20am for vitals and then meds. I am starting to think that them getting us up so early around here is part of the conditioning. It's difficult to sleep around here anyway, but when combined with the early wake-up calls you are running on little sleep the entire time. It makes the entire experience someone of a mental challenge in addition to being a physical challenge.
Todays "Breakfast of Champions" class, the 6:30 am class, was about the 3rd Agreement: Never Make assumptions. I'm going to have to re-read this later, because my brain was just barely working. I remembered the name of the assumption, but not much else. Class is over at 7:00am. I headed up stairs and grabbed my first pitcher of water and started drinking. Gotta get get a couple of these puppies down before my Duffy.
By the time 8:00am rolls around, I've finished off my first pitcher and grabbed my second pitcher of water and headed down to the second class. I started to get the nausea feeling in my stomach as I headed to class. In fact, I was starting to feel a little freaked out by doing my 3rd Duffy. Turea is going to hurt me, I know it. Needless to say, I didn't retain much of the subject matter of the class because I was thinking about my Duffy, so I just focused on hydrating.
9:15am approaches, so I make my way down to the Duffy queuing area, just in front of the nurses station. A few other victims are hanging out there as well, waiting for their treatment nurse to come grab them. After about 10minute wait, Turea comes out and grabs me, with an ominous look, and leads me into the Duffy room. I immediately belly up to the puke pan. In front of me is a tall glass of ipecac, two glasses of warm salt water, and two drinks already poured.
Turea hands me a small shot of vodka and asks me to drink it and tell her my aversion level. I sniff it and nausea rolls through me. I take a small drink and tell her my aversion level is about a 0 (moderate).
Turea gives me a shot of vasodilator and tells me to drink the ipecac and warm water. Here we go.....
I quickly swig down the ipecac and the taste makes me instantly nauseous as the vasodilator starts to make me sweat like a pig. I then drink the two glasses of warm salt water as quickly as I can.
Turea pulls out a bottle of one of my favorite Single Malt Whiskey and asks "Is this the stuff you like." I nod yes. She then sits the bottle right in front of me.
Turea pulls out a bottle of one of my favorite Single Malt Whiskey and asks "Is this the stuff you like." I nod yes. She then sits the bottle right in front of me.
She then slides two glasses of vodka in front of me and tells me to drink up. I take the first glass, sniff it, then start drinking as fast as I can. I make it about 2/3 of the way through the vodka before I puke everything I 'd drank and then some. I drink the rest of the glass holding back throwing up as much as I can and grab the second glass. I drink as fast as I can, but half way through the glass the flood gates open and I empty my stomach puking several times into the steal basin in front of me. After I finish, I try to drink the rest of the glass, but instantly puke it up.
Turea then hands me a tall glass of water and tells me to drink all of it. I guess she's having me reload my stomach before she hands me another drink. After drinking the water, she pours me stiff single malt whiskey with water and tells me to drink it quickly. I get 1/2 way through the glass and puke in all out, including the water I just drank. I try to finish off the glass of whiskey, but can't even get it down my throat before puking.
Turea then hands me another glass of water -- reloading again. This goes on for the remainder of my duffy: Me drinking a tall glass of water before each drink and then puking before finishing the drink. On the last drink, I barely drink 1/2 of it before puking. I'm covered in sweat and breathing hard from all of the effort.... I don't know if I can even finish the rest.
Turea then hands me another glass of water -- reloading again. This goes on for the remainder of my duffy: Me drinking a tall glass of water before each drink and then puking before finishing the drink. On the last drink, I barely drink 1/2 of it before puking. I'm covered in sweat and breathing hard from all of the effort.... I don't know if I can even finish the rest.
Thankfully Turea tells me to just sniff, swish and spit the rest. Thank God! Turea asks me "How does that bottle of whiskey look to you now." I respond "It's making me sick."
I'm then led back to my room where I'm placed in bed with a rag soaked in vodka, scotch, and grande marne. Talk about smelling awful. As I lay down in bed, I almost puke just smelling it and gag. I quickly grab the Duffy pan.
I lay there in agony -- the nausea level is at a maximum. The time just crawls by.....
At about the 30 min. mark, the nurse comes back in with the booster: warm beer plus ipecac. I grab the booster and try to drink it, but immediately puke it up and then some into my duffy pan. For the next hour I continue to gag and puke into the duffy pan. I'm pouring sweat, my head it throbing, I feel horrible.
This duffy is completely kicking my butt.
At the end of my three hours, I still feel horrible, but I need to get out of my room because it reeks of alcohol. I make my way down to the lounge with a handful of crackers and a cup of sprite. I sink into the couch and nibble on my crackers and sip my sprite hoping my stomach will settle.
It's a good 4-5 hours before I can eat anything solid. It's a long, rough day...
All for now.
At about the 30 min. mark, the nurse comes back in with the booster: warm beer plus ipecac. I grab the booster and try to drink it, but immediately puke it up and then some into my duffy pan. For the next hour I continue to gag and puke into the duffy pan. I'm pouring sweat, my head it throbing, I feel horrible.
This duffy is completely kicking my butt.
At the end of my three hours, I still feel horrible, but I need to get out of my room because it reeks of alcohol. I make my way down to the lounge with a handful of crackers and a cup of sprite. I sink into the couch and nibble on my crackers and sip my sprite hoping my stomach will settle.
It's a good 4-5 hours before I can eat anything solid. It's a long, rough day...
All for now.
Day 7
After getting our vital signs checked at 5:15am, I slowly pull myself out of bed and get ready for the morning meeting.
The 6:30am meeting today is about the 4th agreement of the 4 agreements:
Around 10:15am, my pager goes off and I make my way down to the nurses station. I'm met the councilor who will be conducting my interview under sedation. She leads me back to the interview room and I lay down in the sedation chair and the anesthesiologist hooks up the IV and gives the nurse the thumbs up. I try as hard as I can to maintain consciousness as long as possible, but in a blink of an eye I wake up to find myself in the recovery room. Man those are some strong drugs. When you wake up from the sleepys you almost always have this great feeling. Today, I feel content and happy with myself (I'm sure it is the positive affirmations they plant in your head while you are under sedation).
After I wake up for a few minutes the nurse transfers me over to a wheelchair and takes me back to my room, where a tray of breakfast is waiting for me. FOOD, finally. I am starving after fasting all
The 6:30am meeting today is about the 4th agreement of the 4 agreements:
- Be impeccable with your word;
- Don't take anything personally;
- Don't make assumptions;
- Do your best.
It is a very good discussion and one that really hits home for me. I tend to be hard on myself at times, which tends to lead to stress and frustration Both of which have been triggers for me to start drinking. This agreement tells us that once we are sober: if we go through a day and we do our best, then we need to to bed at night satisfied, because we did the best we can. If you didn't hit the mark you were after or if you didn't quite get everything done you were supposed to, thanks OK. You did your best. Go to sleep satisfied and happy that you did your best.
After the morning classes, I make my way back to my room to get ready for my sleepy. I'm on the schedule for a sleepy around 10am. I'd want to go over my affirmations and also write another question to ask myself while under sedation.
After I wake up for a few minutes the nurse transfers me over to a wheelchair and takes me back to my room, where a tray of breakfast is waiting for me. FOOD, finally. I am starving after fasting all
I eat my breakfast and a cup of joe, which really helps the fog clear from the sedation.
I have a few hours on my hands with not much to do, so I break out my Treatment Binder and start working on some homework. They really give you alot of tools here to help in recovery and I want to take full advantage of them.
Around 2pm, I'm called down for my counselling meeting to go over my sedation questions and talk about my recovery. Today, I'm meeting with the councilor Sam. I've heard so many good things about Sam, so I'm excited for my appointment.
At my appointment, Sam tells me he is a graduate of Schick Shadel and has been working here for over 14 years. In the first few years, he worked with the patients in Detox and he said he used to feel nauseous working with them at time from the smell of alcohol on them. This really goes to show you how well the alcohol aversion works here.
During my appointment, we go over the questions asked me under sedation. I'm happy to hear that I report my aversion level to alcohol as "Strong." This is how I feel about it when I think of alcohol now, so the confirmation that my sub-conscious mind thinks the same way is re-assuring.
The remaining questions are somewhat personal, so I won't detail them here. However, I will say that the questions asked me are starting to really get to the core of my addiction, which is really good. I need to find out what is really driving my addictive behavior, so that I can work on address the root of the problem.
Sam gives me few additional homework assignments to work on before our next session. One of which is setting up my short term schedule and goals for when I leave the Schick Shadel program.
Other than the nightly meeting, this pretty much wrapped up
Day 8
Today is Duffy #4 for me. I decided to get some sleeping pills from the nurse last night to get a better nights rest, but it backfired on me. I woke up this morning feeling horribly groggy and dragging.
The 6:30am meeting came way to early, but since I'm having a Duffy today I get to drink coffee. On my way to the meeting I grab a cup of joe and head down stairs. Today's meeting just went by in a fog because of how tired I still am and also because of how nervous I am for my Duffy. These Duffys things are getting progressively more difficult.
My Duffy is schedule for 10am, so I start drinking water at 8am. Gotta get 2 liters down before my Duffy.
As my Duffy time approaches, I make my way down to the nurses station to start to psych myself up. 16 drinks today in this Duffy -- it is going to be a difficult one. I also found out that they are going to open up the liquor cabinet on me and throw several different types of alcohol into the Duffy.
At around 10:15am, Florence comes to grab me for my Duffy. I've never had Florence before as my treatment nurse, but I've heard she can really put the hurt on you. Florence leads me back to the Duffy room, where I find 7 different bottles of alcohol on the counter in front of me. My stomach starts to tighten as I take my seat in front of the stainless steel basin.
Florence is a really nice nurse, which kind of goes against what I thought she was going to be like given everyone said how hard she is in the Duffy room. She has me drink the tall glass of ipecac and a glass of salt water. Both make me gag. She then tells me to go for a walk for 10min or so to let the ipecac stir around in my stomach.
I walk out of the Duffy room with a smile on my face just to mess with some of my fellow patients waiting for their Duffys. Want them to think I'm having a ball in there -- they don't buy it. One responds: She's having you peculate huh?
After about 7-10min, I start to get really queeze, so I head back to the Duffy room and take my seat again. Florence gives me the shot of vasodialator in my arm and I an immediate hot wave flashes over me and I start to sweat. Florence politely hands me my first glass and says "Drink." It's about 2/3 vodka and 1/3 water. I take a smell and drink, then immediately throw it back up. However, after that one drink the nausea starts to settle down a bit (strange). She then hands me another drink: 2/3 white wine and 1/3 water. I drink it. Then she hands me a glass of red wine. I drink it and am feeling nauseous, but don't throw up. Florence tells me: It's got to come back up. Use the tongue depressor. So I take the tongue depressor and touch the back of my tongue and immediately puke up what I'd just drank, but it isn't as violent type I'd had in Duffy #3.
Florence then hands me a glass of my favorite Single Malt Whiskey and tells me to smell and drink. As I'm looking at the bottle, I smell and drink; then immediately the flood gates hope and I puke violently into the bowl. This is how the rest of the Duffy goes: Drink then puke, 16 times. I never thought it would be over.
Florence then hands me a glass of my favorite Single Malt Whiskey and tells me to smell and drink. As I'm looking at the bottle, I smell and drink; then immediately the flood gates hope and I puke violently into the bowl. This is how the rest of the Duffy goes: Drink then puke, 16 times. I never thought it would be over.
At the end of the treatment, Florence fixes up my stinky rag by pours whiskey, tequila, red wine, and vodka onto the towel. She even turns up her nose at it. It really stinks.
Florence leads me back to my room and I crawl into bed. The nausea level is maxed out and I'm on the verge of throwing up.
About 30min after being returned to my room, the nurse comes in the the "Booster." She takes my vitals then hands it to me. I drink it as quick as possible, but before she even leaves the room, the flood gates open and I throw it all back up and continue to puke for the next 30 minutes and fill half of my Duffy basin.
This is by far the most difficult Duffy yet.
Right about the time my puking stops, a treatment nurse brings my roomate in who had his 4th Duffy today. This is going to get interesting....
The nurse put Joe into his bad and he is just laying their moaning. I continue to smell my stinky rag and think about when I'd drank in the past.
About 30min later, the nurse brings Joe his booster. Joe drinks it, then immediately starts violently throwing up into his pan. My nausea level shoots up and I nearly start puking again.
I spend the rest of my Duffy in agony and in fact am still in agony 6 hours later. I head up to the nurses station for some anti-nausea meds. We're not supposed to feel this nauseated this long after our Duffy.
Pat O'Day (The SSH spokesman) is going to speak tonight, so I want to be as alert as possible.
The presentation by Pat O'Day is very good. I only wish my wife was here to have heard it. It gave alot of insight into this program.
All for now.
Florence leads me back to my room and I crawl into bed. The nausea level is maxed out and I'm on the verge of throwing up.
About 30min after being returned to my room, the nurse comes in the the "Booster." She takes my vitals then hands it to me. I drink it as quick as possible, but before she even leaves the room, the flood gates open and I throw it all back up and continue to puke for the next 30 minutes and fill half of my Duffy basin.
This is by far the most difficult Duffy yet.
Right about the time my puking stops, a treatment nurse brings my roomate in who had his 4th Duffy today. This is going to get interesting....
The nurse put Joe into his bad and he is just laying their moaning. I continue to smell my stinky rag and think about when I'd drank in the past.
About 30min later, the nurse brings Joe his booster. Joe drinks it, then immediately starts violently throwing up into his pan. My nausea level shoots up and I nearly start puking again.
I spend the rest of my Duffy in agony and in fact am still in agony 6 hours later. I head up to the nurses station for some anti-nausea meds. We're not supposed to feel this nauseated this long after our Duffy.
Pat O'Day (The SSH spokesman) is going to speak tonight, so I want to be as alert as possible.
The presentation by Pat O'Day is very good. I only wish my wife was here to have heard it. It gave alot of insight into this program.
All for now.
Day 9
Today started a little different than the other days. The nurses must have started taking vitals along another wing of the hospital, because we got to sleep in until 6:10am today. :) I was in a deep sleep after not sleeping well last night, and was awaken by the male nurse grabbing my arm to take my blood pressure. Joe, my room mate and new buddy, was still sawing logs.
After vitals and meds, I had to get right up and get ready for the 6:30am class/group. Today is my forth Sleepy, so I can't get any coffee. This means, I'm going to be pretty much worthless in terms of absorbing anything in this first class.
After I wipe the sleep of my face and shave, I stumble down the hall and downstairs to the auditorium. I'm still about half asleep. As usual, the morning meeting starts with the councilor asking what we are up to today. As she goes around the room, it is amazing to see how far everyone has progressed. It seems like some of these people just arrived yesterday, and they are today getting ready for their third Duffy (the half way point). When the councilor comes to me, I say I'm having my fourth sleepy today. The councilor responds back "Wow, you are almost finished. Tomorrow is your final Duffy, isn't it?" I respond back that it is my final day tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to my Sleepy today.
It is simply amazing that this journey is almost over and how far I have come because of it. I owe my life to Schick Shadel and the people here that I've met. This program and the experience have truly changed me and given me my life back.
After the morning classes, I head up stairs and work on some of my homework as I wait for my Sleepy. The hardest part about the Sleepys is the fasting. I'm REALLY thirsty.
Finally, around 10:30am, my buzzer goes off, paging me to the nurses station. I grab my list of affirmations and questions and head to the nurses station and find Hannah, the counselling assistant, waiting for me. She asks if I'm ready, then we head back to the Sleepy interview room.
I take a seat in the reclining chair and the anesthesiologist starts the IV and gives Hannah the thumbs up that I'm good to go. I know it's going to be lights out in just a matter of seconds, so I try to focus on staying awake. Hannah has me start repeating affirmation, then the next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery room. I'm always amazed at this entire process and that fact that you remember none of it.
After waking up a bit, the nurse transfers me to a wheel chair and takes me back to my room. My buddy Joe has already returned from his Sleepy and he's just relaxing in bed. The nurse puts me in my bed and says they'll have a tray of grub for me in just a few minutes. I'm starving, so the tray can't come soon enough.
After eating and waking up a bit, I just relax in my bed reflecting on this incredible journey this past week and a half. I'm really looking forward to my counselling appointment later in the afternoon to see what I said during my Sleepy.
Around 3:30pm, I'm paged to the counselling office. I'm always really excited for my counselling appointments. My councilor Sam is a really great guy and always so upbeat and good to talk to. His positive energy is contagious.
I head down stairs and find Sam waiting for me in the hall. We head into his office and talk about my departure from SSH tomorrow. We go through some housekeeping things, then Sam pulls out my interview questions and answers from earlier today (the questions asked me under sedation during my sleepy).
Sam looks at the questions and says "Wow, you really said alot." This interview went for quite some time -- longer than most.
As we go through the questions, I'm amazed at the questions and my responses. They are so well thought out and reflect my desire to focus on my wife and daughters and for my recovery and sobriety. I even make a comment that I'd like to get involved with SSH and share with others what I've learned here. My responses give me a warm feeling in my heart.
One of the final questions asked me was "What is your current level of aversion to alcohol?" My respond is: Very Strong. I'm really happy to hear this. I feel like my aversion to alcohol is strong, but to have it confirmed under sedation (truth serum) really feels good. This process is working incredibly well for me!
Sam and I finish up my ongoing recovery plan after I leave SSH, then I head back upstairs. All in all, this is a great day and I feel amazing!
All for now.
After vitals and meds, I had to get right up and get ready for the 6:30am class/group. Today is my forth Sleepy, so I can't get any coffee. This means, I'm going to be pretty much worthless in terms of absorbing anything in this first class.
After I wipe the sleep of my face and shave, I stumble down the hall and downstairs to the auditorium. I'm still about half asleep. As usual, the morning meeting starts with the councilor asking what we are up to today. As she goes around the room, it is amazing to see how far everyone has progressed. It seems like some of these people just arrived yesterday, and they are today getting ready for their third Duffy (the half way point). When the councilor comes to me, I say I'm having my fourth sleepy today. The councilor responds back "Wow, you are almost finished. Tomorrow is your final Duffy, isn't it?" I respond back that it is my final day tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to my Sleepy today.
It is simply amazing that this journey is almost over and how far I have come because of it. I owe my life to Schick Shadel and the people here that I've met. This program and the experience have truly changed me and given me my life back.
After the morning classes, I head up stairs and work on some of my homework as I wait for my Sleepy. The hardest part about the Sleepys is the fasting. I'm REALLY thirsty.
Finally, around 10:30am, my buzzer goes off, paging me to the nurses station. I grab my list of affirmations and questions and head to the nurses station and find Hannah, the counselling assistant, waiting for me. She asks if I'm ready, then we head back to the Sleepy interview room.
I take a seat in the reclining chair and the anesthesiologist starts the IV and gives Hannah the thumbs up that I'm good to go. I know it's going to be lights out in just a matter of seconds, so I try to focus on staying awake. Hannah has me start repeating affirmation, then the next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery room. I'm always amazed at this entire process and that fact that you remember none of it.
After waking up a bit, the nurse transfers me to a wheel chair and takes me back to my room. My buddy Joe has already returned from his Sleepy and he's just relaxing in bed. The nurse puts me in my bed and says they'll have a tray of grub for me in just a few minutes. I'm starving, so the tray can't come soon enough.
After eating and waking up a bit, I just relax in my bed reflecting on this incredible journey this past week and a half. I'm really looking forward to my counselling appointment later in the afternoon to see what I said during my Sleepy.
Around 3:30pm, I'm paged to the counselling office. I'm always really excited for my counselling appointments. My councilor Sam is a really great guy and always so upbeat and good to talk to. His positive energy is contagious.
I head down stairs and find Sam waiting for me in the hall. We head into his office and talk about my departure from SSH tomorrow. We go through some housekeeping things, then Sam pulls out my interview questions and answers from earlier today (the questions asked me under sedation during my sleepy).
Sam looks at the questions and says "Wow, you really said alot." This interview went for quite some time -- longer than most.
As we go through the questions, I'm amazed at the questions and my responses. They are so well thought out and reflect my desire to focus on my wife and daughters and for my recovery and sobriety. I even make a comment that I'd like to get involved with SSH and share with others what I've learned here. My responses give me a warm feeling in my heart.
One of the final questions asked me was "What is your current level of aversion to alcohol?" My respond is: Very Strong. I'm really happy to hear this. I feel like my aversion to alcohol is strong, but to have it confirmed under sedation (truth serum) really feels good. This process is working incredibly well for me!
Sam and I finish up my ongoing recovery plan after I leave SSH, then I head back upstairs. All in all, this is a great day and I feel amazing!
All for now.
Day 10
Today is my last day of my Schick Shadel treatment program. The day starts at 6:10am with nurses call. I think the nurses are starting on the other side of the building for morning vitals and meds.
My final Duffy is scheduled for 8:15am, so I need to get right on downing the water so I'm properly hydrated before going into the Duffy room. I freshen up really quickly, then grab my pitcher of water and head down to the 6:30am class. I need to down a liter of water by 7:30 to be on track to get 2 liters down by the time my Duffy starts.
Today's class is kind of neat because 4 of us are graduating from the program today, so they call us up front one at a time so everyone can tell us goodbye and/or anything else they want to say. I'm the first to go up front and I'm really surprised at all of the positive things everyone tells me. It gives me a warm feeling in my heart to hear all of the affirmations and expressions of friendship. It will be difficult to leave these people, as we've all developed a bond going through this program together.
The 6:30am class gets out at nearly 7:30am. I head up to my room to start in on my second pitcher of water. T-minus 45min and counting to the final Duffy. This Duffy is doing to be physically draining, I know it. The final Duffy is 20 glasses (drinking glasses) of alcohol.
At around 8:10am, I head down to the nurses station. I see Turea come out of the Duffy room and she asks me if I need to use the restroom before we begin. After drinking all of that water, I decide it's a good idea, so I make one final pit stop.
We head into the Duffy room and I take my seat in front of the stainless steel basin. In front of me are bottles of all of my drinks of choice. Turea hands me the ipecac and I drink it down. Even after the 5th one of these doses of ipecac, I'm still not over the horrible taste...
Turea tells me to take a walk for a few minutes to let the ipecac stir around and take effect (i.e., for me to start to feel some nausea). I head out of the Duffy room and walk around a bit. I start to feel like deadman walking as I pace around waiting to start the final Duffy.
After about 10min, Turea comes out of the Duffy room and tells me we need to get started. I follow her back in and take my seat back in front of the Duffy bowl. Turea hands me two glasses of warm salt water. After I down these, Turea hands me the first drink: vodka and water.
I put the glass to my nose and smell, then drink. Halfway through the glass, the flood gates open. 1 drink down, 19 to go..... This is not going to be fun.
From this point out, I puke after every drink. About 3/4 of the way through the Duffy, I look in the mirror and I'm pouring sweat.
Just before the final drink, Turea has me drink two glasses of water. She then hands me a straight shot of vodka. I pull the drink up to my nose and smell and immediately puke. My aversion level is off the chart at the point. Turea tells me to just swish and spit the rest. She then hands me and empty vodka bottle and leads me back to my stinky rag soaked in alcohol.
My nausea level is extremely high. The nurse comes in to check on me every 15 minutes. 30 minutes into my three hours, Joe's treatment nurse brings him back to the room after his Duffy. Following them is the nurse who had been checking on me, with the Booster.
She comes over to check my vitals then says "I feel bad giving this to you." I respond: Lay it on me. I grab the booster and down it, and immediately start puking. Joe is facing the other direction. I'm completely shot. This last Duffy has taken alot out of me physically. I just lay there in agony and nausea after this, waiting for my 3 hours to get over.
After my Duffy, I eat some crackers and 7-up, to make sure my stomach is settled then head down to the caffitera for lunch. Today is philly cheese steaks and soup -- very good. I sit and eat with some of the other patients and we talk about out time together. I enjoy talking with these people, but I'm really looking forward to getting home to see my family.
After eating lunch, I head back up to my room, shower, and get into clean scrubs. I then head down to the nurses station to go through the checkout procedure. It goes quickly and I'm given my backpack and the meds I'd checked into the nurses station. I then head back to my room and start packing my things. Seems strange to be packing up -- this place has grown on me.
After packing I run around the hospital and say my goodbyes to everyone and head out the door.
What an incredible 10 days. Schick Shadel has truly given me my life back.
My final Duffy is scheduled for 8:15am, so I need to get right on downing the water so I'm properly hydrated before going into the Duffy room. I freshen up really quickly, then grab my pitcher of water and head down to the 6:30am class. I need to down a liter of water by 7:30 to be on track to get 2 liters down by the time my Duffy starts.
Today's class is kind of neat because 4 of us are graduating from the program today, so they call us up front one at a time so everyone can tell us goodbye and/or anything else they want to say. I'm the first to go up front and I'm really surprised at all of the positive things everyone tells me. It gives me a warm feeling in my heart to hear all of the affirmations and expressions of friendship. It will be difficult to leave these people, as we've all developed a bond going through this program together.
The 6:30am class gets out at nearly 7:30am. I head up to my room to start in on my second pitcher of water. T-minus 45min and counting to the final Duffy. This Duffy is doing to be physically draining, I know it. The final Duffy is 20 glasses (drinking glasses) of alcohol.
At around 8:10am, I head down to the nurses station. I see Turea come out of the Duffy room and she asks me if I need to use the restroom before we begin. After drinking all of that water, I decide it's a good idea, so I make one final pit stop.
We head into the Duffy room and I take my seat in front of the stainless steel basin. In front of me are bottles of all of my drinks of choice. Turea hands me the ipecac and I drink it down. Even after the 5th one of these doses of ipecac, I'm still not over the horrible taste...
Turea tells me to take a walk for a few minutes to let the ipecac stir around and take effect (i.e., for me to start to feel some nausea). I head out of the Duffy room and walk around a bit. I start to feel like deadman walking as I pace around waiting to start the final Duffy.
After about 10min, Turea comes out of the Duffy room and tells me we need to get started. I follow her back in and take my seat back in front of the Duffy bowl. Turea hands me two glasses of warm salt water. After I down these, Turea hands me the first drink: vodka and water.
I put the glass to my nose and smell, then drink. Halfway through the glass, the flood gates open. 1 drink down, 19 to go..... This is not going to be fun.
From this point out, I puke after every drink. About 3/4 of the way through the Duffy, I look in the mirror and I'm pouring sweat.
Just before the final drink, Turea has me drink two glasses of water. She then hands me a straight shot of vodka. I pull the drink up to my nose and smell and immediately puke. My aversion level is off the chart at the point. Turea tells me to just swish and spit the rest. She then hands me and empty vodka bottle and leads me back to my stinky rag soaked in alcohol.
My nausea level is extremely high. The nurse comes in to check on me every 15 minutes. 30 minutes into my three hours, Joe's treatment nurse brings him back to the room after his Duffy. Following them is the nurse who had been checking on me, with the Booster.
She comes over to check my vitals then says "I feel bad giving this to you." I respond: Lay it on me. I grab the booster and down it, and immediately start puking. Joe is facing the other direction. I'm completely shot. This last Duffy has taken alot out of me physically. I just lay there in agony and nausea after this, waiting for my 3 hours to get over.
After my Duffy, I eat some crackers and 7-up, to make sure my stomach is settled then head down to the caffitera for lunch. Today is philly cheese steaks and soup -- very good. I sit and eat with some of the other patients and we talk about out time together. I enjoy talking with these people, but I'm really looking forward to getting home to see my family.
After eating lunch, I head back up to my room, shower, and get into clean scrubs. I then head down to the nurses station to go through the checkout procedure. It goes quickly and I'm given my backpack and the meds I'd checked into the nurses station. I then head back to my room and start packing my things. Seems strange to be packing up -- this place has grown on me.
After packing I run around the hospital and say my goodbyes to everyone and head out the door.
What an incredible 10 days. Schick Shadel has truly given me my life back.
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